I Love You This Much
by Seylin
Summary: SONGFIC Now I lay me down for sleeping...I can't stop weeping...my soul is black...I need love, my father. Arms outstretched, I love you this much. A fatherson fic.


A/N: I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or the lyrics to the song used in this. The lyrics belong to, Jimmy Wayne & are in bold. I love this song and the video! So sad! When I heard this Ryou and his father popped into mind so I decided to write this. There will be no Yami Bakura just for the simple fact that he didn't fit in. I do not know if Ryou is particularly religious, feel free to correct me on this! Ok enjoy! - Alkvingiel

I Love You This Much

Ryou sat on the front porch of his house, his knees drawn up to his chest and hands wrapped around them. He watched as his father loaded the car with his suitcases as he was preparing to leave once again. This would be the 6th time he'd left that year and it was only April. Big brown eyes watched as his father glanced back over his shoulder and stole a glance at him. Ryou knew he was the reason his father left so often, he looked just like his mother and it pained his father to great to stay with him. 

"Daddy…" Ryou whispered standing as his father got in the car and started it. 6 months passed each month bringing a letter and pictures of the dig his father was currently on. As lonely as he was Ryou always smiled at the pictures, his father looked like a hero in the golden Egyptian sun holding up his latest prize a large smile on his face. 

****

He can't remember the times that he thought  
Does my daddy love me?  
Probably not  
But that didn't stop him from wishing that he did  
Didn't keep from wanting or worshiping him  


The visits had gone down to about once a year since he'd turned 14 and was able to stay on his own. Once again Ryou found himself on the front porch of their house watching his father pack up the car. His father got in the car and started it, their eyes connecting for a brief second. Ryou stood and held out his arms as the car backed down the driveway. 

"Daddy…I want you to know…" He whispered. 

  
**He guesses he saw him about once a year  
He could still feel the way he felt  
Standing in tears  
Stretching his arms out as far as they'd go  
Whispering daddy, I want you to know**  


The car pulled out of the driveway and into the street, with one last pause it started driving away. Ryou ran out into the street tears streaming down his face. Even if his father couldn't hear him he wanted the man to know, 

"Daddy! I love you! I'll always be here! I love you Daddy!" He yelled and watched as the car disappeared around the corner. 

  
**I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
However long it takes  
I'm never giving up  
No matter what; I love you this much**  


Ryou walked up the cold church steps never once taking his eyes off the doors. He wore skin tight black pants, black boots with chains and buckles coming up to his knees, a white silk shirt and a black vest over that, his eyeliner which was black as well only made his brown eyes stand out more. His friends Malik, Seto, Duke, Yugi, Joey, Tristen, the members of his band and even Tea walked behind him all noticing the hard look that he wore on his face. Yugi had wanted to say something about it but Malik put a hand on his shoulder silently shaking his head. 

"This is something he must do on his own," Malik told him quietly as they stood in the back of the church. Yugi turned and watched as Ryou walked silently up to the coffin, the chains on his boots not even making a sound. Ryou carried a black rose in his left hand and he stopped at the coffin looking down at the still form that lay there. Memories of all the times his father had left and been gone for so long replayed in his mind and he clenched his teeth. 

"Damn you Daddy." And tears fell from his eyes for the first time in 5 years, Ryou sank to his knees as he cried. 

  
**He grew to hate him for what he had done  
'Cause what kind of a father, could do that to his son  
He said 'damn you daddy', the day that he died  
The man didn't blink, but the little boy cried**  


Arms stretched out as far as they would go as the car once again drove away leaving him alone. A month, 6 months, and a year…he'd lost track after that but had never given up…not fully. Ryou stood slowly, he lifted his head looking at the ceiling. His voice softly rang out in the quiet church drawing the eyes to him. 

"I love you this much…can't you see? I'm gonna be waiting here until you see me. However long it takes, I'll be waiting here. Never forget, I love you this much," He sang. 

  
**I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
However long it takes  
I'm never giving up  
No matter what, I love you this much**  


"Only trust him, only trust him, only trust him now; He will save you, he will save you, he will save you now," The choir sang. Ryou's eyes focused on the statue behind the preacher as he gave the eulogy on his father. 

  
**Half way through the service  
While the choir sang a hymn  
He looked up above the preacher  
And he sat and stared at him**  


Jesus Christ's hands were spread and nailed to the cross, stretched as far as they would go. Tears filled his eyes once again as he realized that was the same thing he'd done so many times with his father, needing…begging for a hug…for some warmth. That warmth spread through his heart and his eyes widened. 

"_I haven't been alone…someone has been hugging me…loving me…standing behind me the whole time. There is someone that loves me…_" He thought. 

  
**He said "Forgive me father"  
When he realized  
That he hadn't been unloved or alone all his life  
His arms were stretched out as far as they'd go  
Nailed to the cross, for the whole world to know**  


Ryou bowed his head and prayed, tears streaming down his face. Strong arms wrapped around him and he looked up into Malik's eyes. His best friend gave him a smile and hugged him tighter. 

"I'm here for you Ryou…we all are. We're never gonna give up, we love you. Do you love us to?" He asked. Ryou searched his eyes trying to read him but the only emotion he got was love and friendship. His eyes went to the rest of his friends that stood around them, they each gave him a smile and he slowly returned it. 

"I love you to…all of you," He whispered. They waited as he said his last goodbye and then together the walked out of the church, the sun shined down on them and Ryou sighed. The warmth hadn't left his heart and he wasn't about to let it go. He saw a butterfly, the first of the year fluttering around the grass searching for a flower. With a smile he realized what that feeling in his heart was…Hope. 

****

I love you this much and I'm waiting on you  
To make up your mind, do you love me to?  
However long it takes  
I'm never giving up  
No matter what; I love you this much

Well everyone? Good? Horrible? Any spelling mistakes are my own and the fact that my spell check sucks. This has to be the quickest songfic I've ever written. I started at 7:45 and was finished at 8:15. I hope this was good, if not my fingers did the typing blame them!

__

Shappire: Don't listen to her, she doesn't know what she's doing. 

Naur: Hey! At least I try. 

__

Shappire: Ha! You're just a stupid kid! You can't even pass Algebra 2!

Naur: Whoa there! I have a 86 thank you every much. 

__

Shappire: *hits Naur over the head with the telephone.* Now I will rule this world! Mwhahaha! 

Sorry everyone personality conflicts. I hope you did enjoy this! Please review & tell me! - Alkvingiel


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